What It Really Feels Like Cancelling Your Wedding During a Pandemic

6/6/20 was our day. We physically walked through close to 30 venues. Spent 5 months trying to decide where our perfect spot would be. We didn’t want anything too extravagant and where we would be paying the majority of it, we also didn’t want to start our lives together in debt (who does?). We got engaged in October 2018, moved to Maine in June 2019, and began our search shortly thereafter.

Our wedding date should have been in 36 days. I had literally dreamt of this day since I was a little girl with my barbies (totally clichè right?). I remember wearing a tiara around my house envisioning myself getting married (probably to that cute older kid that was at my babysitter’s house). After dating for 5 years (I literally knew I wanted to marry him after 5 or 6 months so this felt like an eternity), it still came as a surprise when we decided to get engaged. Actually I’m pretty sure I bawled my eyes out because I was so happy and surprised.

Needless to say, I’ve been envisioning and waiting for my Wedding day for a really really long time. June 6th sounded like the perfect day- I mean who can forget 6/6/20 as their Anniversary date? I would have just turned 30, Alex just turning 37, it was a Saturday - everything was falling into place. I already found my Wedding dress last summer (for $50!), so a summer wedding fit it perfectly.

Invitations were mailed out, we began to make plans. We met with Florists, DJs, Photographers, made down-payments on all of them. Then, the Coronavirus hit us all hard.

In the beginning, I had trouble envisioning it affecting our wedding (it was only early March- how could this last that long?). Then, others around us started to cancel or rebook their Wedding date and it broke my heart to imagine that becoming a reality. I had all of my outfits picked out for the weekend- I couldn’t wait for the morning-after brunch! I envisioned our pizza buffet during the reception. I couldn’t wait to stay in our fancy manor for the weekend with amazing mountain views. Now, those dreams were slowly fading away.

I’m working as an LNA during these times and getting my degree to become an RN in August, so I’m certainly fairly practical when it comes to envisioning the impact that the virus can have on us here in Northern New England. I’m not on the frontlines, but I am in a long-term care facility right now and have heard enough conversations to know that holding a large event in early June is not a good decision. This reality crushed me.

We talked of postponing our wedding, but how can we really know what things will look like in the next 7 or 8 or 12 months? It would be awful to set a new date and then have to reschedule it again. Also, I had been dreaming of June 6th for months (and before a date was even set- I’ve been dreaming of this day for decades). I knew we couldn’t ask family or friends to travel or choose not to come to our Wedding, so we ultimately decided to cancel. We lost our deposits, money that we had scrounged up during an already very tight time (I’m going back to school full-time and we are currently relying on basically one income to take care of all our bills, animals, and home).

We ultimately decided to still get married on June 6th. We’re holding a small elopement at a family member’s home overlooking the river. Our immediate family will be there (7 people), but I’m anticipating most either won’t get out of their car or will stay a social distance away. My mom became an ordained minister so she can legally marry us since our original one can no longer come. Our photographer will still be there, so we’re thankful for that. We won’t be able to hug our parents after saying ‘I Do’. Maybe we can do take-out and sit in a giant circle after the ceremony, but it really depends on what things look like a month from now. We’ll have our first dance, not on a floor overlooking the White Mountains, but in a field along the river on our cellphones probably (thank goodness for technology these days). We’ll share our vows with each other and stream the ceremony on Zoom for all those who were invited can feel like they’re taking part in it with us.

It’s not the same and it’s not what any of us envisioned, but we’re making do. In the midst of uncertainty, it’s nice to know that June 6th will still be our special day.