Get Up & Run?

Getting up early is HARD. When I first started working out in the morning, my alarm went off around 6am and I thought that was ridiculous. Actually, I started working out early because I was training for my first marathon and had no other time in the day to get my strength and runs in, so early on my way to work was my option. I would shower afterwards and head to the office. It was during this time when I came to appreciate getting sweaty in the early morning hours and feeling like I accomplished a million things before the rest of the world would get up. I would also only do this three times a week to start (M/W/F) and then find time to workout on the other days (my “sleeping in” days).

I have come to love the early morning hours. If I could go to bed earlier, I definitely would and get up even earlier. Currently, I’m awake most of the time between 5-5:30am and it’s been a more challenging adjust to get back to my routine after having the girls. Sleep feels most important and I’m sure that aging also plays a part in that. When I was still pumping, it actually seemed easier to get up early because I kinda had a time-sensitive thing to do! And since that chapter has closed, getting up early has become harder. When I have trouble getting up, I remind myself how much better I feel after I’ve worked out and that having this time to myself before the craziness begins is super important to me.

Some things that have helped me create and STICK to a morning routine:

• Consistent alarms. Both at night and in the morning. I try to go upstairs to start my bedtime routine around 9pm, knowing that I plan to wake-up by 5:30am.

• Have a nighttime routine. I used to be really good at stretching and journaling at night, but stretching has been neglected the last couple of weeks. I DO, however, use my yoga toes, journal, and read on my Kindle every night. Currently reading this.

• Lay-out your workout clothes the night before. I lay out all of my clothes for most of the week on my ‘off’ day, so I don’t have to think about what I’m going to wear in the morning.

• Have a plan. When I first started, I knew that I was going to run on the treadmill or outside for ‘x’ minutes and then do my strength routine. I think I even had the workouts written down on note cards (LOL).

• Prepping things make it easier. I have my coffee ready for the morning (1 cup before I workout), graham crackers (2) ready to eat before running/working out, and have my breakfast/lunch/snacks all ready too.

What has helped you stick with a routine? I definitely stray from my routine sometimes too and that’s OK! I think it’s important to give yourself grace and if sometimes you want to workout later in the day, then do it. I used to be very rigid in my running and workout schedule, but having kiddos has totally changed my perspective. I listen to my body more and get more sleep when it’s been a rough night of wakeups.

An Ode To The New Mom

I’ve been struggling since new motherhood. I thought it would be easy. Well- I mean I knew it would be challenging and there would be change (especially when two little humans enter into your life), but I never saw my other struggles arise. Maybe if I had had a vaginal delivery things might be turned-out differently? I’m not sure. It’s funny how we always seem to want to go backwards and change things (in reality- we can’t). It seems like everyone loves their scars from motherhood and is always preaching about it. Well, I’m here to say that- I have not yet come to terms with loving my c-section scar. I wish that it was in a different place and believe that it will never lay flat because of how it was closed (and also believe that there are some endometrial tissue in there that creates the ‘mom pooch’). I initially tried (in those first few months) to love it and don’t get me wrong- I am so grateful for the doctors who saved my daughters’ lives and my life by doing the stat c-section, but I think it’s challenging to see it everyday. It’s less of a reminder of the beautiful outcomes that came from it and more of a reminder of the trauma that I endured. Maybe that’s selfish and maybe I’m cynical for thinking this way and maybe I’ll feel differently when I’m farther removed from the birth, but this is still where we’re at. Which brings me to my main point of this post.

What started as me loving and being grateful for my body, I found myself nit-picking every flaw about it. My butt looked big, my hips are wider, none of my clothes fit right anymore, I could never imagine wearing any sort of swimsuit that wasn’t high-waisted, and then we got a scale and I was brought right back into my obsession with dieting and weight that I struggled with throughout college. What slowly began as watching the numbers decrease down as I began running more and getting back my fitness, morphed into me obsessively checking my weight in the morning, after a run when I knew I sweated out an extra pound or two. I knew in the back of my mind that this isn’t healthy, but I continued to spiral. I would look in the mirror and see nothing but flaws. I wasn’t reminded of all that I’ve gone through and accomplished, I was just reminded of everything that I thought I wasn’t.

It wasn’t until recently when I began reading Lauren Fleshman’s book Good For A Girl, that I realized that someone else out there felt the same way as me. I only thought that I was an anomaly thinking these thoughts when I looked in the mirror, but alas! she somehow felt the same way too (in a different season of life of course). It was refreshing and it finally made me realize that I am so much more than a number on the scale or the small pooch that is a remnant of the war that me and the girls went through. Maybe those who have gone through traumatic surgeries feel the same way about their scars. I’m certain there is a small amount of grieving process that is involved with accepting your scar, but I think it’s also challenging for new moms (no matter how you delivered). Social media and the entertainment industry, I believe, played a huge part in my struggles with body image and scales. Running has always made me feel better (even postpartum). I’ve never felt stronger or more confident than I do when I’m crushing a race or workout. It’s taken me a long time to find the fire in my belly to compete and run hard (especially over longer distance races and there’s still so much more that I have to give) and I’ve slowly started to apply that confidence into other aspects of my life (thank you to my amazing therapist).

So, I decided that I had enough with the terrible thoughts when looking in the mirror or at the scale. I ditched the scale and when I get dressed- rather than looking in the mirror (which inevitably brings about negative thoughts), I ask myself how do I feel. If I don’t feel good- I change. I also acknowledge that different parts of my cycle I might feel more puffy and that’s normal. The biggest reason for my mental shift? I don’t want my girls to grow-up to seeing their mom continually second-guess herself. I want them to love their bodies (because I love them so much!) and experience life to the fullest. So, all this is to say that new moms- it’s ok if you’re struggling. I see you. I feel you. I was totally there too and dang, you’re doing a great job.